I Will Try

My mom and I have never really been close. Friday afternoon we had a great big blowup small misunderstanding. I pretty much blew it off like I have learned to do and didn’t think much more about it. This morning Noodle and I had a great big blowup meeting of the minds. She was being SO.DAMN.SASSY. I pretty much had enough and let her know it. I dropped her off at her morning destination, told her I was sorry and that I loved her. She was over it and went skipping off to find her friends.

I on the other hand spent the day thinking about it. All I could think was I don’t want our relationship to be like the one I have with my mother. I want her to feel like she can talk to me about things and not walk on egg shells around me. I know that I will always have to be the parent, but still would like to her to think of me as a friend as well. I feel as if I failed Noodle today.

Tonight I will tuck her in and tell her I love her. Tomorrow I will try harder.  I will try harder because she is worth it. I will try harder because she deserves it. I will try harder because I know what it is like to be 11. I will try harder because I want to be the mother that mine is not.

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