I had just gotten out of the shower when Hubs came in and told me about the first plane. I didn’t believe him. We went to the tv just in time to see the second plane hit.

Noodle was in kindergarten. I took her to school and walked her up to her line that day. As I was standing there waiting for Mama B to get there with M1, a firery little red headed girl, who never sat still, a Tazmanian devil of sorts if you will, came up to me and grabbed my hand and just stood still for a minute. She said “A plane hit the building” I told her I saw it and that the best thing we could do right then was pray for everyone.  She squeezed my hand and off again she went leaving a trail behind her.

A little girl who’s name was Hope.  Hope is what I think of when I remember that horrible day.  Hope, the little girl. Hope for our great nation. Hope for those who were lost.  Hope for those who were left behind.  Hope  for those who serve. Hope  for their family members who wait at home. Hope for all things still to come. Just HOPE.

Everytime I have come here to write an entry, it is so down and depressing I can’t hit publish.

I’m not really sure what caused the universe to tilt me back into the real world, but I’m kinda glad that it did.

Not everyday is a good day, but the good days are finally outweighing the bad days and that gives me hope.

Hope that I was sure was lost. Hope that is allowing me to float rather than sink.

Had you told me when we first got her that I would become so attached to something that wasn’t warm and fuzzy I would never had believed you.

In December, Myrtle had an unfortunate accident (that is why she is all wrapped up in the green bandage). We all thought she was doing better.

Yesterday, Myrtle went to turtle heaven.

I cried.

Today, I went to the grocery store and the cashier asked me how Myrtle was. (She always has to look up the produce code when I buy cactus pads).

I think I made her cry.

My poor Myrtle Gertrude….

It was the most trying and hardest year of my life.

I am determined to make 2011 a better year.

I need to learn to let things go.

Things that I can’t change. 

Things that in the big picture really don’t matter.

Things that are not important.

Things that have hurt me and only cause me to harbor bitterness and hatred.

In the words of  Zac Brown…..

Spent the night with a friend of mine and a handle of good whiskey
We picked guitars and talked about how the glory days we missed ‘em
And it didn’t take too long to find the truth inside that bottle
Cast a-sea so long ago was a message from my father.

You keep your heart above your head and you eyes wide open
So this world can’t find a way to leave you cold
And know you’re not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can’t
You gotta let ‘em go

Looking back now on my life I can’t say I regret it
And all the places that I ended up not the way Ma woulda had it
But you only get once chance at life to leave your mark upon it
And when a pony he comes riding by you better set your sweet ass on it

You keep your heart above your head and you eyes wide open
So this world can’t find a way to leave you cold
And know you’re not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can’t
You gotta let ‘em go

Like a sweet sunset in Georgia let it go
And like the fear that grabs ahold ya let it go
Let it go
Let it go

You keep your heart above your head and you eyes wide open
So this world can’t find a way to leave you cold
And know you’re not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can’t
You gotta let ‘em go
 
Wishing you all a Happy New Year and the ability to Let It Go.

Noodle and her first official boyfriend.

I can’t but help think of him tonight. I imagine there will be many events in Noodle’s future that remind me of my past. Most days when I think of Ryan it still hurts, but for some reason tonight I couldn’t help but think of the fun we had that night that seems so long ago, yet I can still remember it like it was yesterday.

I love her with every ounce of my being and heaven help the boy if he breaks her heart.

Today we went to a birthday party. And what would a party be without a pink cowboy hat, a bow on your butt and pink boots? 

When I saw her she said “Auntie! I pretty”.  Yes my little love, you are pretty. Happy 2nd Birthday.

Noodle and the boy. Isn’t he cute?  For a bush anyway.

My candy corn witch.  I love her so and then some.

Last Saturday night I went to see him. I have loved him since I first heard him on the radio sometime last summer. He came in March and I wasn’t able to go and was pretty bummed. So when I heard he was going to be here again? I was online as soon as tickets were released to get seats. We were about 15 rows back and just a wee bit off to the side, with a video screen smack dab in front of us.

The opening act was HORRID but knew things could only get better.

And better they did. They sang for 2 hours, only stopping for a brief second when some idiot jumped the stage and everyone gasped as a body guard laid the guy flat before anyone could blink. (The guy deserved it and am pretty sure he was pretty sore for a few days after).

The only thing that would have made the night better? To have my bestie there with me.  One day, we will have our toes in the water and asses in the sand.

Yes, I know its backwards. My not so smart phone (or not so smart operator) takes everything upside down if I don’t remember to flip my phone.  I thought I could just flip it here… and well maybe not so much.

She asked us early on in the week if she could go to the football game with the boy. I wasn’t against it but it wouldn’t work out with our schedules. Then she asked if they could go to the movies. In  a group? I am fine with. One on one? Not gonna happen. So the next idea was to go to the park. Hubs eyes about popped out of his head when she try to run that one by us. We know what we did kids do at the park. So I suggested she invite him over to watch a movie here.

I must say I was quite impressed when his mom called to talk to us and then brought him over tonight. He is as cute as a bug (I am sure Noodle would fall over dead if I even walked by the camera let alone asked to take a picture) and in all honors classes!  So far, my girl knows how to pick um.

I am sure there will be tears and the whole he likes someone else and all that good stuff with this boy and others to come.  I’m not sure we are ready for all of this, (There won’t be any “real” dating for quite some time  still) but it was bound to happen sooner or later. I was just hoping for later. Much later. Like when she is 30.

These girls could not be more alike if they were identical twins. When they see each other you would never guess any time had passed. Every other weekend I either gain a daughter or loose one. If they aren’t here they are there.

This picture was taken yesterday. We were on a rhino ride. I was in a 5 point harness in the front seat and couldn’t turn around to get a picture no matter how hard I tried. I decided to try to take one, a la self portrait, this was my first and only attempt. Not too shabby for not being able to see at all and going down a bumpy forest road at 30 miles an hour.